April 2012

Bus air freshener

Yeah, I said it. You buses ...good job on not stinking. I'm amazed how buses never seem to let themselves stink. And it's not the time of the day; I've ridden buses early in the morning to late at night. But I've definitely ridden school buses and subways before and they all have that 'people-were-horded-in-here-all-day' smell to them.


When you HAVE to go

The 'holding-it' dance


Oh don't lie. EVERYONE'S done the 'holding-it' dance. When you are at home and the lone bathroom is occupied and your bladder is mad as hell about it. When you are at a concert and the only options are the gross port-o-potties filled with cringing layers of other people who can't aim or the grass...if only defecating in the middle of the concert wasn't illegal. Or when you are watching Lord of the Rings again and are heading into hour three realizing that big gulp was probably not a good thing to drink before movie.
At least in those instances, you could go somewhere and try to relieve yourself. On the bus, it is worse. Ten times worse. What if you had a nice lunch. You knew the bus ride would be long, namely because the drivers go at a snail's pace. You made note to drink just enough to satisfy. You even went religiously to the bathroom to empty yourself so that this wouldn't happen. You think you possess a rather healthy bladder. 
You do all these precautions, but then that horrible feeling arrives and that realization that you were wrong hits you as your traitorous bladder swishes with more fluid. 

Suspended for farting

No really. A kid was suspended for farting. Now consider the movie Bully where kids punch, choke and abuse each other, to parents that rage at you for small stuff, to kids having the goal to not sit down on a moving bus, bus drivers have many things to worry  about when they drive around the future generations. But seriously, farting?


Boys Suspended For Farting On School Bus - Humor


Hippy bus dreams

I may hate driving. I may even hate driving anything other than a compact car. But I so always wanted a hippy van. No, not a shag wagon or a creeper van, but a full-on, painted-to-hell HIPPY VAN. I wanted a van so colorful that it made you trip out sans drugs; you could lick it and swear you were on acid, and could never evade anyone in the tri state area. Was it the years of my childhood watching Scooby Doo? Was it my guilty longing to be born in the 60s? Or the open dialog on drug use and its effects?

I don’t know, but hippy buses just appeal to me.